Do you ever try to convince yourself to go to sleep? – As if your sane voice of reason can make that ‘other’ one shut the ..ck up! Such inner dialogue kept me up til after 11pm last night – way past Krista’s bedtime on a ‘school night.’ I tried to ‘put myself to bed’ around 9:30pm – but Krista wanted water, Krista wanted to use the potty, Krista wanted to mentally recap the day, and think about the one to follow… This was followed by Plan B – to fall asleep listening to music – fat chance – all I could do was listen intently to the words of each song – and the mellow beat didn’t seem to be mellowing me out… Plan C – read for a few minutes and try to lay down again… Somehow – Plan C ended up working – but only after about twenty minutes of reading, another trip to the potty, and another glass of water… Finally it seemed I’d be making my way to la la land ;) Children can be so difficult sometimes ;)’

Awoke to a beep, beep, beep sound coming from my alarm… “Dah…it’s already 3:30am! How has the night passed so quickly?” I hauled myself from bed, made my bed, and every so gingerly headed to the bathroom for zee lovely bucket bath. Ah, the life! Again this morning, I stopped in the street near a lovely little park on my way to practice. I looked up to the sky to find the brightest star – and it certainly didn’t take much time today because there were so many clouds trying to mask the infinite beauty of the sky above. Yet there were three visible clouds – and one was far brighter than the rest. I smiled and silently spoke to my daddy – long gone but always with me: “Good morning daddy, I love you! I miss you but can feel your presence here with me…Thank you for always watching over me, Kimberly, Kama, Mama, and the boys! Thank you for continually helping me find my way – for being my guiding light whenever it’s dark and lonely.” I put my hands together in prayer and kissed my fingertips before reaching my hands toward the sky – I believe my daddy can somehow reach down from heaven and grab the kiss I just sent to him.

As I stood at the top of my mat giving thanks for all that I have been blessed with, sending love and prayer to all those I hold dear, and working to center my body and my breath, I took an extra moment to ask for a deep inner focus during practice - to seek a little more guidance staying connected to each moment. It is true, if you ask the universe for what you want, you shall receive – I had a phenomenal practice – with all the bells and whistles – super strong bandhas, deep focused ujjayi breath, fierce drishi, an open body, and a couple extra ounces of determination today! Sweet!!!

I maintained a gorgeous moving meditation – until I got to Pincha Mayurasana. Behooves me how one can have such difficulty coming into a posture that didn’t used to be so fearful – I know that all I need to do is kick up a little bit higher and I’ll be balanced – but it’s something that is going to require some more time on the mat at the shala…Saraswati watched me as I attemped it by myself a few times – then she came over and stood over me – with her there I always come up b/c she is my wall – she stood there for about three breaths until she knew I was totally balanced – then she stepped away and watched me – I took five more breaths on my own and then descented into Chaturanga. Once Saraswati comes over to help me – the next attempt always seems successful – as was the case today. I got in position to do it again, this time totally on my own – and it was a piece of cake….Go figure…But Saraswati watched me the whole time – and when I came into updog she was smiling and told me to do Karandavasana today (She knows I can physically do Pinca Mayurasa no problem – she also knows it some fear inside I need to overcome – think that is why she is moving me forward.) Excited and nervous, I said, “OK!” I got into forearm balance – then she held my hips as I got into lotus, she swung my hips down and got my knees to rest of my triceps – she held me there for five breaths and then swung my hips back into the air – I released the lotus and balanced again in forearm balance – she let go of me and I jumped down into Chaturanga. ROCKIN…That is one STRONG woman…My bum is NOT light…She is my hero ;)

I happily lowered myself to the floor to begin backbends – and boy did I have some major energy, courage, and determination built up by then. Did some great work with backbends – usual three, stand up, drop back, stand up, drop back, then grab the ankles…Today I pushed myself harder – I grabbed higher at the calve – held longer and worked harder to straighten my legs more – then stood up. I proceeded to do this three more times before Saraswati came over to help me (one thing I really do LOVE about her – she allows me plenty of time to work on my backbends as much as I want – she sees the whole room and knows those people who want that extra time – she rocks!) And while she rocks – she is freaking demanding too! Today, she put my hands straightaway to my knees (expect this from now on) – but then she moved my hands above my knees – I was hold my own quadracip! When I felt my quad in the palm of my hand I couldn’t help but think, “What the ?>:”*&#$%^&*&^?>?>” After the initial shock – I held as strongly as I could, straightened my legs, and just kept breathing. Six or seven breaths later I gently peeled myself up to a standing position. As I did finished sequence on stage, I thought, “Wow, what an intense practice!”