I recognize now that my posts won't be as frequent because of the little man and all the attention he needs at all times, but they will be quite long because I'll get the chance, once in a few days, to sit down after he's fallen asleep and just let me fingers start talking....
I need to go ahead and admit my grand aspirations of total potty training in India are probably a little too grand. Yesterday was a complete debacle in every sense of the word. Apart from the joy I experienced waking up to my child to find that the rash was gone, and I mean gone - the constant lathering through the night seemed to have worked....and apart from a wonderful and much needed practice, I was a total mess all day long missing Kwang, feeling overwhelmed, being exhausted, feeling sad for Kaiden. After practice I came home and thanked Aliya for watching Kaiden so I could take practice - Aliya said he was great, which made me feel better for leaving my son with someone realitivly new to him, with his daddy no where to be found, so I could selfishly go do yoga!!! I needed my mat so badly, but the entire time I spent on it was consumed with thoughts of my child.
After Aliya left we got ready and headed over to Tina's. It was obvious from the start Kaiden was feeling alot like me - just off and tired and sad. He refused to pee in the potty all day long, and I had no choice but to put him in a pull up to go to Tina's. She really wanted me to check out the school that her father runs here in Gokulam as she knows I have loads of work to do remotely while I'm here and thinks it will be good for Kaiden to be around other children - and I do agree with all of the above...Once we got there we hung out for about half an hour before making our way to the school. It was a delightful place, super clean, colorful, full of life and energy. When first walking in there is a rockin play area filled with sand, toys and a a slide. Kaiden got so excited he jumped right in and forgot he had a mother :) He literally played in there for an hour by himself, in total bliss. While a teacher and Tina kept watch of him another administrator gave me a tour of the school. I was super impressed with everything about the place. Before we left I took Kaiden downstairs to the classroom he would be in if I send him there - he seemed really sad when I put him down next to the other students and left. He came looking for me. But then he found a ball and was ok. I left the room again and he settled himself but kept far away from the other children and the teacher. When i came back in the room a few minutes later he was soooo happy to see me he jumped up and ran to me. We said goodbye and headed upstairs and back home. I thanked Tina for taking the time to take me to the school. I wanted to talk to Kwang and Kelli before making any decisions. It would be from 9:30-1pm Monday-Friday and part of me thinks it would be awesome for him to be with other children his age, be in school in India, have a clean and safe place to play and learn. But part of me doesn't want him to be forced into any structure the short time we are here - he has so much structure at home and I never get to spend loads of time with him back home. Plus, when Kelli arrives she'll be bringing her son Emerson with her and I want to see how that pans out - will she want to send Emerson? Will the boys do great at home together and we can work out a play and work schedule between the two of us and with the help of Maureen when she arrives end of the month? So many questions swirling around in my head, it wanted to burst!
Once we got back home I was sure he'd take a nap after all that play, but, as Kaiden would say, "no way man!" He wanted none of that. Nor did he want to pee pee in the potty. He refused to take part in any potty business today and I was already so emotional and so tired, I just threw in the white flag, and feeling like a complete and total loser, I shamefully put another diaper on my child. As an aside, I am feeling much better about it all today realizing that my son is in a WHOLE new environment, his daddy is gone, I'm alone, and we are in India where things are intense and everything is magnified times ten, I'm not gonna force this - merely keep slowly working to show him its so good and fun to go pee pee in the potty.
We headed back out about an hour later to get a coconut. While we were there we ran into Karen Breneman, the very person who introduced me to Ashtanga Yoga a decade ago at a World gym in Casselberry, Florida :) It was really delightful to see her - and she and her finance were headed to a music performance - so we graciously tagged along. I don't even know where the performance was, somewhere quite far away but we took a rickshaw. Once we arrived and sat down I realized there was no singing involved, which I knew would not go over too well my my little guy - I only went b/c he loves music, but this wasn't his cuppa, and he was starting to get really tired and irritable. I tried for about 20 minutes but then he and I quietly exited the music hall and headed to the road to wave down a rickshaw. As I stood there in the dark street of India with my exhausted child, in an area I didn't know, I found myself feeling uneasy and uncomfortable and wanting to get the hell out of there. God was watching over us though because the rickshaw driver we happened upon was very kind, and when I asked him how much, instead of trying to cheat me or haggle over price he ACTUALLY said, 'meter' - I was like, oh thank you thank you God! He got us back to the house safely. Poor little guy was dunzo, he was asking for night night as soon as we got in - but we had to fight for a few minutes more so he could get bathed. Once clean and dressed he laid down and was out for the count. I very soon followed!!
Today was filled to the brim, and far better for both of us than yesterday! I was up about 4am and Kaiden soon followed me out of the bedroom to start his day too. He played as I cleaned the house, showered, made chai, and got ready for practice. We walked over to the shala and he was so happy....until people started pouring out of the shala. My friend Jake came up to me and asked if I was finishing or just going in - I said going in. He tried to help me b/c it is sooooo busy here right now and people are crazy for their spot and there just aren't any in led classes these days. He tried to take Kaiden but Kaiden didn't want to go - then he was going to take my mat inside right as Aliya exited and saw us. Jake took Kaiden and Aliya was there and Kaiden was screaming - I feel like the whole of Gokulam could hear him. The guys told me to go it was ok and I almost lost it - my poor baby screaming for me not understanding. I knew in my heart he would be ok a minute from now but god that was a hard moment. When I got inside there were NO spots anywhere - not in the hallway, locker room, shala, stage - nothing!!!!!!!!! I tinge of anger swept past me as i thought, this is what I get for handing off my child so I can go practice. I forced a new spot in an already jam packed row asking a girl to please move her mat as I moved other peoples a bit here and there to squeeze in my mat on top of the hump in the rug. A man I ended up practicing next to came out of the men's change room and started to move his mat back over and I said sir I need to put my mat there - he just looked at me in disgust and let it be. Despite the turbulent start, or perhaps partially because of it, I had a really great practice today - my body said thank you to every breath I took, every asana I moved in and out of - a total release of tension, anxiety, frustration, everything. It was just what the doctor ordered.
I nearly ran out of the shala after practice to go to Kaiden, and he and Aliya were right outside the gate of the shala. Kaiden was playing and looked up and saw me and ran to me :) melted my heart - the whole darn thing! Aliya promised me Kaiden was fine a minute after I left, and that they walked alot and played and had coconut. I was so relieved and grateful to Aliya - he is really my savior right now - loads of love to you my friend!!!
Kaiden and I went home and showered and had a bite, and then Kaiden went down for nap - I was relieved he wanted to nap for a bit as i knew he was tired. I called Kwang and spoke to him for a few minutes, then cleaned the house until Kaiden woke up from his nap. Then we called Daddy together and skyed for about twenty minutes and that was just wonderful - I think for all of us.
Then Kaiden and I got ready and made a trek up to Chamundi Hill today - we didn't stay too long, but I really wanted to take him, and he enjoyed it there - we didn't go into the temple today - it would have been too much I think. On our way back home we stopped at a store I love to frequent when I'm here - they have amazing stuff for kids and adults and I picked up a couple toys for Kaiden, one being a wooden pull train that he quite fancies :)
I don't know the name of the park but it is near the Vikram hospital - a lovely park with a play area for children. Oh my goodness Kaiden loved it, loved it, loved it! All the stuff here was really for children much bigger than 20 months old, but Kaiden didn't care - he acted like he was ten trying to climb everything in sight. I was really nervous the whole time and stayed right by his side catching him everytime he climbed too high or on something just too big for him. Out of about ten things there, only one didn't give me mega anxiety - but I knew this was exactly what Kaiden needed, so I just dealt with it, and kept catching him and letting him go again and again and again. He was jumping and laughing and running and climbing and climbing and climbing. He said Daddy numerous times while we were there - it seemed to me like he was thinking to himself how proud daddy would be if only he could see Kaiden being such a big boy playing so hard on the big boy jungle jim's. I really feel like that is what he was thinking - 'I wish daddy could see me - he would be proud of me!' - meanwhile I was thinking, 'I wish daddy were here to play with him on this equipment because mommy is so uncomfortable and waiting for Kaiden to eat it.' - I knew one thing for sure - we were gonna leave with Kaiden crying - either because he hurt himself, or because he didn't want to leave.
After nearly an hour there I made the executive decision for us to go - I could tell Kaiden was getting fatigued, even though he thought he was the energizer bunny. He didn't want to leave of course, but didn't put up much of a fight.
